Real Blogger Beauty-Makeup Shaming

On June 16, 2014

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When I was in high school, I hesitated to wear mascara because I didn’t want people to think I was “trying too hard.” I didn’t dare try a bright lip because it would attract a lot of attention and girls might think I thought I was something. I didn’t want anyone to think that I was conceited or into my looks.

The Good
Fast forward to now- I love mascara more than what people might say. I love a bright lip and it loves me back. Doing makeup on myself, and on others especially, has given me greater joy than I ever knew. I have parlayed that true love into a makeup and beauty blog and, despite my initial hesitation, YouTube tutorials. I am only here because I love it so much I can’t stay away. I want to talk about makeup and beauty more than anything else.

I have been so genuinely touched and surprised at the sincere support people have shown me and my blog. I never expected other women to be so kind and to cheer me on so enthusiastically. It validates what I do. It makes me realize I’ve found my place in the world. It makes the hours and hours of work worth it and minimal sleep feel better.

Below are all actual comments I’ve received on posts I’ve written or been featured in alongside others.

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The Bad

But even if you love something like crazy, and even start to feel even a little bit confident, there will always be someone that doesn’t love what you do, or how you do it. Someone that disagrees or offers unsolicited criticism via online comment. In our instantaneous world, someone can comment on a blog post, a YouTube video or an Instagram photo and in just seconds, ruin your day. You know that pit in your stomach you get when you read something that just doesn’t make you feel good?

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You can be the most self-assured, confident woman, but sometimes these insults wrapped in “just sayin’” and tied with a “in my opinion” bow just don’t feel very good. Even if a comment is 100% inaccurate, if I said negative comments didn’t bother me whatsoevs, I would be lying and not human.


 

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The Ugly

Some of the most exciting exposure I’ve had has, in turn, led to some of the comments that were most concerning. When a friend shared that my before and after highlight and contour photo was featured on Buzzfeed, my heart sank. While I was thrilled to be on a site that I, and many others visit daily, I knew how big of an audience it is. Buzzfeed isn’t my little corner of the internet but rather a site that receives 130 million unique visitors per month. I knew that with that many people viewing my face, the chance for unkind comments just skyrocketed. What resulted was my first taste of “makeup shaming”.
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When I participated in the Allure Beauty Blogger Awards, likely the biggest thing I’ve done thus far, I read some YouTube comments that didn’t make me feel super great. It was disheartening because until then, I had been really, truly proud of everything I’d created for the contest. It made me feel stupid that I was now second-guessing myself. It made me feel petty to be letting internet commenters tell me what I wasn’t good at. It made me feel confused, as though maybe it was only me who thought I’d done a nice job. There’s always that part of you, no matter who you are, that thinks, “but what if they’re right?”


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More Than Makeup

When I worked at Sephora, I had the beautiful experience of learning that it is often so much more than just makeup.

A military service woman came in and asked if I could show her how to fill in her eyebrows. When I complimented her on her already great brows, she shared that she would miss them when she started chemotherapy in a week. For her, an eyebrow pencil was a safety blanket, a preemptive confidence boost. Her only weapon against treatment. She told me after I showed her how to fill in her brows that she was already feeling better. She was excited to buy her brow pencil and my coworkers and I thanked her for her service to our country. After she left, I broke down and cried. It was the first time I remember thinking, “this is about so much more than makeup.”

Another client that made an impression on me was a young girl with lupus. She apologized profusely for her scab-covered skin and told me that if I was grossed out that I didn’t have to apply makeup to her skin. It was like an arrow through my heart that she even felt the need to issue such a disclaimer. I told her that if I was grossed out, that I shouldn’t even be working there and that nothing bothered me. Watching her see herself and say “I’ve never seen my skin so smooth!” gave my heart a special kind of joy I hadn’t felt before. Not because I was patting myself on the back, but because what I was doing had real value. It wasn’t about impressing people for this girl, but just impressing herself so she could face the world a little easier. It was about more than makeup for her.


My Makeup Manifesto

So what has come out of all of this for me? This is my personal makeup manifesto, and I encourage you to write your own, be it for makeup, or anything else.

-I don’t wear makeup to impress men. That’s hilarious. I am married to someone who has the pleasure of seeing me with a bad breakout and greasy hair as well as glammed up and contoured and confident. That’s the beauty of truly knowing and loving someone. And it adds variety. I am super crazy blessed to have found someone who is proud of me, and supports my my makeup madness. I’m so very lucky to have someone who knows I’m more than the makeup I wear and when he tells me I look pretty? Freaking love that. I’ve been told a handful of times that men don’t like girls who wear makeup. Well thank goodness I’m already married then, or I’d have no hope! HA! :-P

-It doesn’t make me a superficial or unhappy person if I don’t feel most beautiful makeup-free. I learned a long time ago that I absolutely loved the way makeup made me feel. I like the way I feel inside when I’m wearing makeup on the outside. When I’m stressed out or nervous, doing makeup calms me. When I’m feeling uninspired, makeup makes me excited again.

-I don’t wear makeup to look feminine or because women are “supposed” to. Sometimes I don’t want to look girly and feminine. Sometimes I want to look like a boss bitch. Sometimes, I want to look soft and romantic. Sometimes I want to look like JLo. Sometimes I want to look like the 60’s and sometimes I want to look like New York Fashion Week.

-I wear makeup because it is art and my favorite kind to do at that. When I was learning about color theory and proportion, I didn’t know it would come into play in a makeup way but I couldn’t be more stoked that it is.

-I don’t think I’m ugly without makeup. I don’t think I look wicked hot either. I do leave the house without makeup. Mostly to Target. My Redcard is pretty much all the confidence I need. But if I’m going out to dinner or even to a baseball game, I do put effort into my makeup. I do this because I’ve met women who are getting married, tell me they like my makeup, ask if I do makeup, I tell them I do and I end up doing their wedding makeup. Sometimes it literally pays to try.

-I’m not shallow because I film myself doing makeup and take pictures of my face. I’m excited to teach. I’m interested in finding the best ways to explain things. If that means I take pictures of my eyeballs a lot, well hey, I’m the only model available 24 hours a day, 365.

-I feel good about myself because I’ve figured out what looks best for my face. I feel confident when I make the makeup work for me, and not in spite of me.

-I love makeup and that doesn’t mean I don’t love me. I’m 30 years old. 30 years I’ve been pimpin’ this earth and I really like me and it’s about time.

-I do makeup for me and no one else. If anyone thinks that I’m doing it for society, men or anyone else, well they just haven’t seen my makeup room :)

If you don’t like makeup, it’s not a requirement of life. I would never tell you have “have” to wear it. I can tell you how I’ve seen it work best, from all of the ages, skin types, and skin tones I’ve had the pleasure of working on, but even then, you don’t have to heed my advice. If makeup makes you feel as euphorically good as it makes me feel, awesome! We are sisters in beauty. If it doesn’t, and you hate spending time on it or how it feels, please don’t do it. Nothing is as unsatisfying as doing what you are “supposed” to do for the sake of obligation.

If you dig my makeup stuff, I love you. But if you don’t, and maybe you’ve even left one of those comments, and you’re about to leave another below, I love you too. Because I’m happy and thankful and blessed beyond all belief and that, my sisters, is #RealBloggerBeauty. <3

Now it’s time for you to read the other bloggers’ stories at the link up over at Charmingly Styled. I think you’ll really enjoy reading the struggles and the challenges others have faced and hopefully you can relate and feel some comfort in knowing that no one is perfect. Myself being far from it :)

48 Responses to “Real Blogger Beauty-Makeup Shaming”

  • GIRLFRIEND! You are amazing – and I love love love your post! I can’t believe how crazy people are, but know that you are gorgeous with or without makeup! Thank you so much for sharing your story and bringing more awareness to make-up shaming. You are so inspiring and kick ass! xx

    • Thank you so much for initiating this beautiful project! It hit me at JUST the right time. I just got back into town and I can’t wait to cozy up and read everyone’s stories!

  • ATTA GIRL. Proud of you for writing this. Agree with you 100% :)

    -Ashley
    http://lestylorouge.com

  • I am flat out shocked by some of those comments. It’s insane to me the confidence boost that bully’s get from being able to hide behind a computer screen. I teared up reading about your experiences at Sephora. You are beautiful and inspiring and I’m so happy to have met you :)

    • Thank you so much Jess! I am thankful for the good AND the bad feedback :) Excited to read everyone else’s stories!

  • I’m with you, I enjoy painting my face as it’s a ritual for me and NOT a chore and I like to make the best of the moment with high end products. Oh how lovely it is being a woman! You’re beautiful and talented, please keep ‘em posts coming!

    • Oh I SO agree Kamilah! It’s like the best part of my day! How lovely it is to be a woman INDEED! Thank you so much :)

  • Oh, Ivy! I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all those nasty comments. I will never understand how people think it’s ok to leave those types of comments. Just because it’s on the internet, doesn’t give you the right to not be a decent human being. I think you are beautiful inside and out and am always in awe of your awesome makeup techniques! I love how you are doing what you love. You are AWESOME, so keep doing what you’re doing:) Thanks so much for sharing your story:)

    • Don’t be! It’s just a part of life, eh? I’ve been through college art critiques a lot so it’s just a little more of that. I am quite surprised myself at just how forward people are online! Thanks so much for reading Kari!

  • I seriously love your style and personality and honestly think that you are not only talented but well rounded as a person anime makeup artist. It was a joy and pleasure to be able to work with you at Sephora. I think that regardless there are always going to be some naysayers in the group who have their own opinions. however you know why you are doing the work that you are doing and what it brings to you others and that is what makes it totally awesome! Do you boo!

    • *and a make up artist. .. lol dog gone spell check

    • Thank you so much girl! I’ve learned so much from YOU! Remember when I had you teach me about concealer around the brows? I hope you’re still getting at that makeup game. You’re phenom!

  • Ugh. People are so rude. But you know what? That’s (unfortunately?) one of the signs that you’ve “made it” on the Internet- you’re big enough that you’ve been exposed to people outside of your corner… and for some people, being a nasty Internet troll is their hobby. No matter what you do, someone will have a mean comment. Anyone with any degree of success has someone who hates them for it. Maybe it’s jealousy or maybe it’s just that these people have yet to learn the art of compassion, but either way… take that as a sign that you have arrived!

    For what it’s worth… I pretty much agree with you. I will go without makeup some times (or a lot of times, if I’m tired or not up to it or running behind) but that is something I wouldn’t have even CONSIDERED doing a few years ago. Makeup is kind of a security blanket for me. I feel better with it. Something about taking the time to slap something on my face gets me centered and makes me feel ready to face the day. Do I need it? Meh. Do I feel better with it on? Absolutely. I think people like to feel all high and mighty about not wearing it, but I think they lack the empathy to understand that for some people, it’s more than just mascara, or eyeliner, or powder, or whatever. It’s getting into a specific state of mind where you are comfortable and confident.

    I really hope that people look back someday and are completely mortified by the type of things they said to strangers online.

    • Thanks for the great thoughts Kelly! I really enjoyed what you said. The internet-what a strange, strange world, huh? I love what you said about makeup centering you. I SO agree! Thank you for reading!

  • What is up with all these haters and nasty comments? If people are not interested in makeup then DON’T READ HER BLOGS!!! It’s not rocket science people! I’m not interested in mountain climbing so I don’t go to websites about it.
    If you think you look fabulous without it – then good for you!! But to be a moron and make negative comments about someone and what they are interested in is just ignorant.
    Keep up the good work Ivy!!!

    • What IS up, right?! Totally love this metaphor: “I’m not interested in mountain climbing so I don’t go to websites about it.” I read it to my husband and he agreed! Thanks for reading :)

  • Haters gonna hate, but my gosh I can’t believe how rude some of these people are! I’d be upset too if I saw those comments, but when it comes down to it, it’s not about these trolls – it’s about doing what you love and those that support and appreciate your efforts :) Thank you for sharing your story and keep up the awesome work!!

    • Dang those haters :) It takes all kinds to make the world go round though! Thanks so much for reading Jenny and for your kind words!

  • The internet can be such a cruel place-especially to those who share their talents to the world. Just know that your shine can’t be dimmed by the detractors. There are a lot of people (like me!) who look to your blog for inspiration everyday. Keep your chin up and take care! :)

    • It certainly can, Maggie. However, people like you are proof that it isn’t always! Thank you so very much for reading <3

  • I still don’t know why anyone would put anything negative out on the internet. Make up is so much fun, I’m glad you look past the negative and fuel your passion with the positive :)

    • I know, right?! Oh well! I’m so glad there are people like you and I out there just enjoying makeup for what it is-FUN! Thanks a bunch for reading Alexandra!

  • Bravo!! LOVED it! I don’t know why some people care so much about other people’s lives and how they live them anyway. This was inspirational! Thank you!

  • Hello Ivy, found your post through #realbloggerbeauty. This is such a well-written point of view on wearing makeup!! I struggle sometimes putting into words why I wear makeup (even though we shouldn’t have to explain it to anyone anyway) but people do ask and express themselves boldly about their dislike for makeup. I’ve found myself “cutting back” on my makeup so I don’t appear too “made-up” – even though I’ve always said it is enhancement (not a coverup), it gives me a confidence boost (not vanity) and it’s fun and I love it!!
    I am so touched by the stories you shared of making others feel better about themselves.

    You are so bold to post the actual comments that were said about you. I had very mean people comment about me from an outfit photo from a blog post that I submitted to an online contest. Even though I told myself they were just internet bully coward strangers saying that behind a screen – it still upset me terribly. I ended up deleting the post from my blog because I worried they might be right. I totally regret that now because it’s MY personal style and if they didn’t like it TOO BAD!

    So THANK YOU for sharing this. You have such a confident voice to be heard and you have inspired me to stop trying to please others – and get back to being and feeling myself with the make-up I love to wear!!!

    Amber
    Fashion, Floss and Lip Gloss

    • Amber, I’ve also thought about lightening up on my makeup because of comments made about it. But then I had an epiphany! I wear my makeup the way I want to wear it not to please any one else but myself! I sometimes have to bite my tongue to keep from telling them they sure could use a good dose of makeup themselves, it would work wonders!

      • Debora, I explain to women every day why it’s important to look your best to feel your best – and makeup is no exception! Isn’t it funny how as women when we feel judged we either want to change – or become more bold?! I am so glad you had an epiphany, and thanks to Ivy, I’ve had mine!! =)

    • Amber-thank you so very much for not only taking the time to read this post but to comment something so lovely. I read this comment last night, as I was preparing for my grandmother’s funeral. It totally lifted my spirits and reinstalled in me just why I write this blog :) With regard to your deleted post, I have to say, and I’m sure you’ve learned, some people are just huge dicks really, haha. I admire you for putting what YOU love out there and the right people do too. Blogger love to you!

      • Ivy, I am so sorry for the passing of your grandmother. I pray you and your family have peace and comfort during this tough time.
        Yes, I have definitely learned that lol! Thank you so much, I appreciate the kind words and love!

  • I’m a makeup lover, always have been even as a little girl. It thrilled me to no end when the Avon lady came calling with her miniature lipstick tube samples. I’m honored to call you my beauty sister! Some people just troll the internet for the sole purpose of leaving nasty comments no matter what the subject matter. They’re cowards! I love your blog and everything makeup; I wake up for makeup!

    • I also remember the little Avon lipstick samples fondly! I am so filled with joy that you enjoy reading Wake Up For Makeup and I could never have enough beauty sisters!<3

  • This is amazing Ivy! I loved reading every single bit of this. Being a beauty lover myself, I have also been ridiculed for wanted to “mask” my face, etc. But us girls, we get it! :) Like I have on my home page of my blog, I think wearing makeup is a way of embracing and playing up our natural beauty. I am sure you would agree! Thanks for being so raw & real. More than anything, that is what truly is admiring in a person.

    • Thank you Carrie! I so appreciate you taking the time to read every single bit of this, as I know it was long :) I love watching other beauty lovers like you do their thing and celebrating the power of good makeup!

  • People will always find a reason to hate something they admire. You are beautiful, and those mean commenters are unhappy INSIDE and what a fresh hell that must be. I wasn’t ever TAUGHT or guided really on how to apply makeup. I didn’t even really wear anything more than powder and mascara until I was in my twenties!! So, because of people like you, my confidence in my appearance and makeup application has never been higher. So the meanies can just quit, we all know it’s not you they really dislike, but themselves.

  • This post is so strong. Love it, Stives and love YOU! :) My talented, cat-loving, makeup-crazy BFF. Don’t let the haters getcha down. They’re the ones that have something wrong with them deep down that would make them comment so negatively. Remember that! I’m so glad you were able to share these stories with us. It’s so true – makeup is about MORE than just makeup!

    Love your face. (ha! literally)

    Kelly
    http://www.asparkleaffair.com

    • Cat power for life! Thanks Kel Kel! Whenever I start to get down, I just blast some Above & Beyond! “Get your sticky fingers outta my heeeaaaad!” <3 youz.

  • This video clip has ALL of the swearing in it, but it’s pretty great – be grateful for the haters, it means you’re doing something with your life, and pushing onward and upward ;)

    • Well hey, I guess they’re just doing their job right?! Katt Williams thinks I actually need MORE haters! Oh don’t worry-I’ll get em! :)

  • This just makes my heart happy! Completely on board with everything you’ve said!

    I’m a makeup lover too, and despite the generous amounts of compliments I get, there are inevitably some judgey wet blankets who have to make negative comments…because choosing to wear makeup is obviously a totally accurate assessment of the kinds of people we must be. Our faces, made up or bare, have nothing to do with character, or with anyone else’s lives.

    Can we just agree, as women, that judging other ladies is terrible? It’s not right to shame those who do wear makeup, just like it’s not right to shame those who don’t. We’re more than our looks, whatever those looks might be.

    And your makeup is on point! You’ve got some skills! :)

    • Elizabeth! Your comment makes MY heart happy! Just as haters gonna hate, judgers gonna judge. We all do it to some degree, but I agree with you. I’d just love it if more women banded together instead of giving each other the internet stink eye! I’m totally all about “who run the world? GIRLS!” Thanks so much for reading and commenting and for rocking your makeup face along with me!

  • I LOVE this post! And I adore your honesty, it is so refreshing to hear. Thank you for telling the good, bad, and the ugly instead of pretending everything is always rosy.

    Some bloggers weren’t so “real” when posting their Real Blogger Beauty story. Kudos to you for being so genuine. High five! Can’t wait to read more from you.

    • Gail, girl! Your comment makes me feel so great! I’m glad that my honesty was well-received. While it certainly isn’t easy to receive, much less publicly post those negative comments, I do feel it’s important. If you’re going to put yourself out there, you’ll inevitably get some hate along with the love, and that’s ok. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment :)

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